I am to interview my Chupracabra of this trip…those in south Texas know about that rare mythical creature that everyone wants to find. He is late and I’m worried that he will not show. However, Seani Love arrived in a few minutes. We had a chat before the interview. I love men, but there’re not many men that I meet that you can tell really love women…actually love women’s less that perfect bodies, their convoluted ways of thinking… and all the flaws us females are endowed with.

Some men say they love women, but their actions leave the impression that they are more interested in getting off, showing their dominance, and marking their territory. Am I wrong guys? Seani’s reputation preceded him…as I was told by the UK sex positive community…”all the women love Seani”. However, I planned to make up my own mind.

In our chat before the interview..my first notice is his beautiful voice. It’s not quite British, as he is British but grew up in Australia. Having previously seen his web site. I knew he looked like a real guy. Not a dandy or metrosexual bone in his body…man through and through. It came though loud and clear that he does love and enjoy women. That alone impressed me. He definitely has the charisma. If he could bottle it, he’d be a millionaire.

His work is teaching, doing workshops, and individual sessions on Shadow Tantra, BDSM, and considers himself a “Sexual Professional”. I was calling him a MSW,( that’s not a Medical Social Worker) although are are many similarities. Shadow Tantra is new to me. It is the practice of dealing with issues that repress a person’s sexuality such as past trauma. In a private session, he has a discussion, of what the woman thinks her issues are, then he also assesses and uses his intuition to excavate that top layer and dig underneath and into the psyche. He also does sessions that women can release their anger against men and the patriarchal society. guess we all have those demons…after all men have been lording it over us for centuries.

I had lots of questions about the “sexual professional”, that services women, part. Such as the pre negotiation, boundaries, and safe sex. It’s paramount, is the reply. Of note, no CDC guidelines practiced here for oral.

I had in interest in…does the exchange of money affect the power dynamic of the encounter…if the woman pays..does she take charge? Or if she’s paying does she expect him to do all the work. The answer is surprising to me…that a woman paying makes the transaction very clean..it eliminates the expectations of calling the next day, an on going relationship. It’s honest and up front. My next area to explore was… since women desire the emotional connection.. how is that achieved? He says that he meets with his clients ahead of the session to establish that emotional connection. When asked about the arousal?….women are aroused buy a man desiring them, and secondly, we want to know what a man likes about us….like.. is it my eyes, or my sense of humor? He responded that at that moment he wants that woman! and he does tell them what he finds attractive. To know more or the research behind it, listen to Night Moves show on “Sex Cues and Arousal” at www.nightmoveslive.com

Now I dive into the personal. Is he like the gynecologists, that have notoriously low sex drives from looking at lady parts all day? So if this is your work…does that affect your personal life?..Such as sex? Nahhhh, I gave at the office? His response is that he has two long-term female partners and considers himself polyamorous but he doesn’t live with either of them. He loves women and has a high sex drive and feels blessed for that. I wanted to know if their relationship is just sexual. Do they ask about each other’s day? To provide that non judgemental sounding board we all need… and I miss terribly. His surprising reply is that yes, we do and “I probably need it more than they do”. Ahhh, so touching and sweet. 

I feel like I’ve made a friend and admire his work. There should be millions of Seani’s out there. Maybe he should franchise? I’ve been looking for a year for this type interview, but with Seani, I found the Chupracabra. Oh, us ladies need lots of help, all right. In my second sexual revolution…there will be lots of Seani’s and places for women to go and find their Seani. Of note, sex work is legal in the UK…it should be everywhere. It seems absurd to punish people for an important and healthy biological need…and criminalize it…if we are truly a free society?  Those “guns and god” people preach… “We’re Americans, people hate us because we are free”. Are we? The Italians I met in Dublin, sum it all up best… “Love is Love”, the world needs more.

After our interview, we went for coffee and a snack. He told me some wild stories of his “primary partner’s” birthday party last night that involved interesting implements. I told him of my background….about Randy, after all I was married to him longer that anything else I did. So I asked Seani, if I were a Shadow tantra client…what did he think I needed to work on? He thought and said issues with the loss of your husband. As we said our goodbyes, and walked away.. I thought about what he said. I’ve a handled my loss really well. Started a whole new life…of course, there are those that think I’ve gone off the deep end by talking about sex on the radio. But I feel that I’ve found my real calling and everything I’ve done in my life has brought me to this moment. I feel so much compassion for people that have emptiness from sexual uptightness and repression….not to mention those sex starved widows, who shall remain nameless. Most of all, the joy they are missing without intimacy.

I have to admit there are times that even now I get angry with Randy, lamenting “why did you have to leave me?”. Its not logical because he did not want to die on that roadside, as he bled out from an aneurysm related to his cancer, July 16, 2011, on the way home from his mother’s birthday. I am still haunted by the fact that at the moment he was dying, I was so busy being nurse tying to save his life that I didn’t say… the things I wanted to say. When I retired in 2010, we went on an 8 month trip to the Pacific NW. When we left…my ambition was to retire, write, and plant flowers. On that trip, I had an epiphany..it was that I still had some big project to do in this life.

As I set here in my room contemplating it all…it makes me feel..alone in London. Am putting on some music and finding a way to shake these blues. I am intolerant of feeling sorry for oneself when there are so many people in the world that have it really bad. I’m very lucky to be able to work in London and meet such a kind, new friend.